Saturday, May 17, 2008

This Blog is officially CLOSED forever.

I loved it but Now it's time to end that chapter of my life.
Things which never belonged anyway..

That's what i got when i let my heart win.
get out get lost.

How can i lose something that was never mine in the first place..

lets all play pretend.
nothing was real anyway..

just get out of my life.

Posted by Chelsea at 5/17/2008 02:28:00 PM

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

From A Young Woman's Heart-The Break Up.

It takes so much more to totally tear a heart of a woman.

Because we grow from it and we bloom to a flower far stornger than the one you crushed in the palm of your hands

All "they" do is fill the void they have inside with another, replacing the one they had.

I've been torn so many times i can hardly remember- be it relationships or friendships or work or studies.
All i know i've been let down. It was never a good enough reason. Never.

"I did'nt have time to think about it"

Never. Never again will i trust the notorious promises of the tongue. Cliche, heard it over and over again.
I am not pretending to be strong so let me face it. I am so hurt and broken I had to go away to a foreign land.

All the promises, all the sorries, all that, can never measure up to how much hurt you've placed upon me. I could never hate you but one thing's for sure, i can never talk to you or see the memory again because everywhere i go you, you of all the others will haunt me the worse. You, you with all your broken promises tore me the worse. You the one who stole me away completely will never again capture my heart.

Because you. You out of all the rest i opened to the most and you, you knowing how vulnerable i was tore ME. You made my mother cry. YOu made my sister cry. You made my tita cry and you, you filled my dad's heart with much sorrow for me because you, you they learnt to trust.

I don't know what you fill your life with now, alcohol, other woman.. whichever ,, clubbing maybe. but you will never ever fill any void with all these things.

I can never replace you with someone else but one day someone else will fill my life and will never disappoiont me the way you did.
I don't hate you but i can never talk to you again..
and i'm not sorry for it because i'm just learning to protect myself.

I've grown so much stronger since and I've had support from everyone and pillars to hold me up when i fell.

I've learned to accept my fate and accept the fact it's never going to be. I threw my old life away and now im going to come out a new me.

Far greater than I was before and you are just another hurdle in my life for my taste of joy to come one day. You no longer fill my cup or make me happy because all you do is bring tears and sorrow in my heart now.

Because i carry the cross of this burden I will be risen again with joy. My place is with the true lover of my soul- God and you can never match up to him.

"i did'nt have time to think about it"

-never good enough a reason-
but...
I forgive you and that's it.

The end of you and me.

seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong

Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here i am once again,
im torn into pieces can't deny it can't pretend just thought you were the one.
Broken up deep inside,
but you won't get to see the tears i cry,
behind these hazel eyes.

I keep thinkin' bout that little sparkle in your eye
Is it a light from the angels, or your devil deep inside?
What about the way you say you love me all the time
Are you liftin' me up to heaven, just to drop me down the line?

But there's always this one question
That keeps me up at night
Are you my greatest love
Or disappointment in my life?

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around

That's right

I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me

Tell me where our time went
And if it was time well spent
Just don't let me fall asleep
Feeling empty again

Cause I fear I might break
and I fear I can't take it
Tonight I'll lie awake feeling empty

I can feel the pressure
It's getting closer now
We're better off without you

Some things I'll never know
And I had to let them go
I'm sitting all alone feeling empty

I never wanted to say this

You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away

Sleeping awake and awake when I'm sleeping
I've got a dry kind of thirst, when drenched
On sunny days, all I can see is a shadow
And I'm not above being under
And I'm at the brink though I know that I'm empty
And I always hide when it's my turn to seek
My only belief is not to have faith in believing
Before I begin, I'm over
(disconnected)

Broken off againand
I'm only not lonely when I'm lonely by myself
(disconnected)

Numb in pain again I always backtrack forward
Cause all in all, I'm disconnected

Quietly loud while noisily silent
Keep holding my breath when I'm trying to breathe
Swimming against all of the waves and the rapids
I only win when I'm losing
(disconnected)

In this farewell
There's no blood
There's no alibi
Cause I've drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand guys

Here...here I am again
And I'm staring at these same four walls
Alone again
And now all the colors blend
And I'm growing up and i've become this empty page
Hold on it's tragic stumbling through all this static

I just wanna talk to you my broken heart just has no use
I, I guess promises are better left unsaid yeah
Everytime you try to tell me
You say the words that I'm the only
But i'm the one who's crawling on the ground
When you say love makes the world go round

Everytime you try to tell me
I don't care you're not the only

Kelly clarkson, paramore, Lindsay lohan, Linkin park, Pink, ashlee simpson..

once bitten, twice shy, but that's not the end of it
just the end of you and me.

Posted by Chelsea at 4/01/2008 07:26:00 PM

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Why am i created the way I am?
To feel the way I feel?
To act like how i act?

I wish i was someone different,
I wish i was somone calm.
I wish i did'nt have emotions
but mum and dad always told me to be who i am.

Lately i've just been tired,
I want to be someone different.
I want to be someone i would like,
because lately I don't like the way I am
even though I know i should.

I wish I did'nt have emotions,
Insane,
but true.
I wish i was just more like you.

I am trying,
trying my best to change.
Trying to be the best of who i am.

All this fighting,
all this hurt.
All this crying
I'm just like dirt.

Stained,
washed,
stained again.

Why must I be fashioned like this?

I know i should'nt be questioning the creator,
but i want to know why.
I create so many problems,
so many obstacles i have to face.

All my emotions you just pick and play,
while i'm left confused.
The one thing I love so much,
you almost took away from me that day.

Don't you know how much fear i have inside?

I want to get out of my head,
get of my mind.
I want to be ice again.

Sometimes,
I just feel ice is better than water.

Ice feels nothing.

everytime i think about you,
Ice can never be,
because with you,
i'm just water.

just like how water flows from the stream,
water flows from my heart and tries its best to make streams where obstacles are put.

like how nurses pricked my finger,
i feel thousands of pricks in my heart.
yet one by one cure,
and blood that flowed just washes away.

It washes away

Posted by Chelsea at 3/12/2008 12:54:00 AM

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

If i was silent. I'd hear myself saying, "stop worrying"

Too bad im too cluttered with worries-one of my worst kept secret hobby.

I know i worry alot but i can't seem to help it. After yesterday i realized how much i wanted to live.

In some ways I miss being a child even if i am still one to my parents.
I want to be a real child again that one that knows nothing, the one that knows no worry, the one that knows no work but knows all play.

I am turning 18 soon. Im becoming a young adult. As much as i want to embrace it im really afraid of new responsibilities.

Posted by Chelsea at 3/11/2008 12:16:00 AM

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Incubus Concert

Today was a rocking good time.

I woke up so late today at 11am.
I was supposed to meet kal at 1pm/2pm (give and take around that time) at his place but you know me I woke up late. Well, that's because i slept late/super "early" whichever.
But, He pleasantly surprised me by telling me to take my time and that he was driving down to pick me up. AWWWW!!!!

he's so sweet. hahaha. I finally got to see him today which made me so so so so so so extremely happy. i just wanted to run and jump and hug and cling onto him like a baby.
Haha.. guess what though..

He had a beared because he could'nt shave it due to chicken pox. haha.. Cristy and I started tesing him..

Anyway besides all the small details..

WE went to the INCUBUS CONCERT!!!

i felt like i was in a can of sardines but GOSH they played GREAT songs!!!!

drive, aqueos transmission, love hurts, Stellar, I wish you were here, Pistola.

Well i could'nt remember all but AHHH it was so good. Well i hated the opening act by some stupid band called.. Souzan/souzen.. ah whatever i cant be bothered spelling their name right..

THEY sucked.. hated his voice sounded like pure vomit.. ok..

To be a little nicer to the people who love them.. They did'nt exactly float my boat or rocked my world..

I was all yawns..

I just loved it when stellar came on. haha.
It's kind of our song (kal and I) and we instantaneously hugged each other when the song came on haha..

"meet me in outer space,
I will hold you close if your afraid of heights"
hahaha it's stuck in my head boy..

Haha.
It's my first real rock concert and my first concert where there was slight moshing and i was not happy with people pushing me so Amrit and I pushed back and did some mischievious things lol.. haha..

Anyway. all in all. GReat concert!!!

INCUBUS ROCKS!!!

After that we headed to Simpang to sup.
Had shiok supper!!!
All of us were just tired and hungry hahaha

Well right now at exactly 3.47 am.. im drinking TEA and i have bloody work tomorrow.. Gah!

I loved today. It was super rocking!

Posted by Chelsea at 3/08/2008 03:31:00 AM

Friday, March 07, 2008

Hey people!

Well,
Today was a lazy /physically painful day.

I had the second most worst menstrual cramps EVER. I was tossing and turning like a salad.

The pain was so unbearable it was as if someone kicked me over and over again from inside my adominal. Seriously, I wanted to stab a knife through my adominal right there and there.

like
" Die pain! DIE!!!"

Well besides that nothing really interesting happened..
snore`

;p
Ok people im outty..

love,
Chelsea

Posted by Chelsea at 3/07/2008 02:14:00 AM

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Hola Amigo.

Lets start with yesterday shall we?

Yesterday was one of those happy days. Well to start things off, Hannah and Syafiq were supposed to meet me at 2 at starbucks (orchard) after i went to pray at St Peters and Pauls Cathedral but they both fell sick and by the time they told me I was out of the house so I just decided to go to church and hang out by myself.

Well hanging out alone was both scary and fun. Well, it's scary because i have absolutely no sense of direction. Well Jamie told me how to get to church but i stil did not know. After i came out of city hall MRT and went through Raffles city I got lost i did not know which way to turn. In the end I walked one big round and eventually found the church only to know later that the church was so freaking near the mrt. I think i did a 2.4 by walking one big round boy.. haha By the way i was wearing heels the whole time so imagine my poor toes

Not only that, when i got to St peters and Paul i could'nt find the adoration room. haha. I went up and it was'nt there. It's only after i went up i realised the adoration room was so near the ENTRANCE of the church.. i wanted to hit myself in the head. lol

So i prayed, and kept quiet and had my own time meditating.

After that i walked back to Raffles city and wanted to go to starbucks but it was so FULLL.. so i decided to go on ahead to orchard and starbucks there instead. I had potato salad and my all time fave-Tazo chai non-fat latte.

I chilled there for about an hour before i headed off to Takashimaya-Konikuniya! HEHE i can pronounce it and spell it now HAHAHA

I bought Kal his comic book -The illuminate-since he's having chicken pox and everything ithought the book will help him pass time faster.
I wanted to go back home after i bought the book but i was thinking what's the point if i don't give it to him now.

I called Amrit-Kal's sister- and asked her whether she could meet me at Khalid's ( Kal's best friend)- working place-coffee club at white sands and so she did. I wanted to meet her to pass her the book...

OH shit rewind!!!!

i have to derail for awhile.. I forgot about the weird incident in the train before meeting Amrit.. lol

Well, When I go out alone i listen to my MP3 player and i have this very boring i don't care look on my face. It's a super blur only concentrating to myself kinda face. This guy he walked right infront of me and stood beside me in the train. Well, initially he did'nt bother me until he tapped my back. So i took off my earphones and looked at him-

He was talking to me like a mouse i had to say excuse me for three times because apparently i can't hear him...
ontop of that he's talking in malay i don't understand.

So when he spoke in english asking for the time- i said 3.30..
and he said thank you and i immediately put on my ear phones again expecting not to be bothered.
He tapped my shoulder AGAIN.. and this time he asked..
"You not malay ah?!"
i was already so turned off by that question..

well can't he use his brains? if i didnt understand malay why would i be malay??
So i said no, im eurasian..

And He said... oh you look malay.. And i already got irritated with him.. so i answered well im spanish eurasian so im a little darker..

Then he said oh ok.. "what's your name"

Then i said CHELSEA guess what he said..

"really arh?! my favourite football club sei"

then im like oh ok... good for you..

then i put on my ear phones again..

and he tapped AGAIN..

then he asked " want to make friend or not?"

then i told him sorry im Attached and i have a boyfriend.
I put on my earphones again feeling super awkward around him. I was'nt even flattered because he was literally BORING and not approaching me the right way even.. he was just creepy boy..

He tapped my shoulders again and said
"nevermind luh just take my number"

OH GOD i nearly screamed at him but knowing its public transport i kept my cool..
you know i wanted to be alone..

And when i stared at him and gave him the "im about to gag in my mouth look" and said No im sorry i have a boyfriend and i wouldnt call you anyway...

guess what he did..

The next stop he immediately went out of the train..

THat guy really has guts to come and annoy me man. So i called Khalid telling him what happened expecting him to at least be empathising.. He Laughed at me..

Ok back to the coffee club story..
I met Amrit there and we talked and talked.. well i got to know her better.

Khalid gave us free ice lemon tea at coffee club. hehehe THANX khalid..
I met up with amirt to pass her the comic book since i can't see Kal baby becuase i havent had chicken pox yet..

AFter that we both went home.

and today/
I went shopping!!!! WOO HOO!!

I had fun

two more days till i see baby again..

6 more days till i can kiss him again..