Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Any avenue of escape?? Well i got loads. Study yourself crazy. Play an angst song. Scream into a pillow. Watch tv like a couch potato. Hang at a friends place. Psycho yourself into believeing something. I've been doing all that. It's been working. Yes. I am running away from problems and it's helping me. Facing it just makes me dwell in some bottomless pit of sadness. Exam papers? i haven't been concentrating. Today i made a choice.I am just gonna leave, run like i always do, Listen to screamo, psycho myslef like i always do, Hang at my friends house like i always do and sleep till the cows come home. I'll just pretend this week was some nightmare and that its all going to be over soon. By hook or by crook im gonna forget.

Don't charm me and then leave me suspended in cloud 9, only to pop the clouds and crash me back down to earth. That's harsh. I ain't a toy. I am certainly not someone you can take for granted either. You've been smashed before well get this, i am not something for you to vent your anger on either. To think that you were perfect. How naive of me.

You probably know who you are. You're either smiling evily or clueless this was you i was talking about. Now you know. Yea. I said you were perfect. You should be lucky. I have never said that about anyone in my whole life. I have never felt so strongly and sucky at the same time for anyone in a long time. Now that i've been CRASHED back to earth im learning to fall with no safety net to cushion the blow.

"Chelsea, you gotta try to forget" easier said than done. "it's not worth your tears" it is seemingly so that nothing or no one is worth my tears. "life is short, enjoy it to the fullest" Life is the most bloody long thing to go through, enojoy it to the fullest? how to when there are so many "happenings" out there. It's getting hard to be optimistic.

Want the stupid or in a nicer way, easy way out.
Easy steps to follow-
To fix a broken heart. 1 easy step. Ignore.
To stop crying.1 easy step. Pretend.
To be happy. 1 easy step. Act.
To feel whole. 1 easy step. Dream.
To feel an adrenaline rush. 1 easy step. Alcohol. (Oreal, please do not follow this example)
To let out an emotion. 1 easy step. Turn on something screamo.
To be in a nightmare. 1 stupid step. Give your heart away.

got the guidelines? good ain't it? Crap!

It seems that everything i do this week is wrong. Maybe i was. After all im not perfect. Im just waiting for this week to be over.

Seeing me vulnerable. is it looking fun to you? you're like a thousand sharp hooks on my skin tearing my flesh away slowly. tormeting me. My area of weakness,On a window plane for display.

Silent movie. in a picture black and white. you took the light out of my life. There's no talking. you're just an actor. You're just interpreting what they feel on a broken glass. You're just guessing meanings. Testing and feeling.

Brake into my story. take it over and paint me with colour.

~there is always a reason to feel not good enough~