Saturday, August 05, 2006

The hardest thing in life is to love someone and not admitting it, ironically the best lesson you'll ever learn in life is to love and to be loved in return. Some of us have been so heartbroken that we shut ourselves and our feelings from the world just to be strong, just to continue with the reality of life. Everything around us has been moving so fast, too fast. Too fast for our soul, our hearts to swallow. How is it possible then to have a soul mate? I believe everyone out there has one but these last few days i've been thinking. If everyone was busy, if everyone says they have no time will fate actually bring them together or will they spend eternity with the one person they just adore and not love fully. This world has made humans something we're not anymore. We are given the ability to love and yet we're not using it, we're ignoring it, Im ignoring it. It's been hard for me to keep it inside, too hard. I've shut myself, my heart away from the world so i would'nt fall in love again. Now that i've melted, melted fully too see how we've become, how i've become, im ashamed, im hurt. Is it possible for me to shut myself again?
I don't want to feel it because i don't want to be distracted, not because i don't want to love but the realisation that im nothing has made me tell myself why waste my time.
Everytime i feel sad, my whole family takes my burden. It's not fair, not fair at all. It's my duty to make them smile and yet i feel so crappy. They once told me that im their weather, when im happy it's all smiles but when im sad its the pouring rain. The last time i was heartbroken, my whole family suffered because of me. I know im their sunshine but im just a girl, i need to show my emotions when im sad. I need a hug. I need some form of affection. I need to release it. I've been piling it up so much that im finally cracking and breaking into pieces. I've had enough. I know i said i was strong but truly im weak, everyone is weak in one form or another. Im just a girl, like any other girl, im not God and im not an Angel either, i never was.