Friday, December 22, 2006

I just came home. Well i went to buy my School books today with Syafiq and Vignes in the morning. Woke up in the morning and felt like i had a hang over, message after message came in asking whether i was doing fine. I am alright, at least i know i'll be soon. I always know that when my heart breaks it'll be stronger and i have learnt a lesson or two and im happy that i learnt something from this. I feel that i've grown a little bit more stronger and wiser.

Yes, i did cry, cried alot last night. Smsed my closest friends that i was single and one by one called me . Im very touched by you guys. Just to call me in the middle of the night like at 3 am 2 am just to tell me i'll be alright soon and that im better than that. Very touched and i appreciate it alot. Tita hugged me to sleep last night and i think i slept at 4am last night. Talking and crying.

And to my cousin Jeremy, going out with me to cheer me up and showing me how to take a step back and look at a picture more beautiful than what im seeing now.
Frances, i know your busy so all is forgiven for not picking up my call just now.
Syafiq for giving me a pat on the back to reassure me to tell me you guys will be there for me.
Vignes for a good hug.
Hannah for calling me in the morning immediately when she woke up.
Auntie Judy for telling me things which made complete sense.
Auntie Letty for hugging me. Just hugging me.

I took a walk downstairs as well. Thought to myself, prayed, reassured myself, pull back my strength, brighten my soul.
I took a very long walk cause i had a lot of thoughts running just running in my mind. Each memory leaving one scar at a time and then healing and then leaving another scar again.

I have to admit that i am happy with myself for knowing how to handle a breakup this time.
i think i handled it quite well. i am proud of myself however the dissappointment and hurt is still there. Like anything devastating it has shaken me a bit. But i know it was for a good cause. I know it's to help me grow. Although i hate feeling this way cause it's usually not me to feel sad all day but i know it's good for me.
I have to get hurt to learn.
I know im usually happy but give me time to heal. Im sorry my post sounds so disgustingly sad but bare with me for awhile for those who reads this.

Besides that, I have written and composed a new song which matches exactly what i feel right now.
My dad still does'nt know the current situation cause he has been busy and i did'nt want him to be distracted in work so i held back.

How im feeling?
heartbroken but that's because im dissappointed, upset and shaken.

I read his blog as well.
And to add to that i just wanna say, i tried but you make it hard for me.
It was nice while it lasted and i don't regret meeting you.
Neither do i hate you.
I don't want to hear sorry because now it just feels like it is'nt enough.
What's done is done. I can't do anything about it.
I cared too much to let you go and it feels like its going one way cause im doing all the work trying to make this relationship work and i feel like I failed.

But like what Jeremy said...

Tomorrow is gone, today is here, Let's live in the present and look forward to the future.

I learnt so many things from so many people and i feel so much wiser. Not forgetting, Nadira, for giving me a hug we she saw me just now. Thanx.

here's a song i've been listening to the whole day. it really helps.

"All i need is you"
from Hillsong

Left my fear by the side of the road
Hear You speak
Won't let go
Fall to my knees as I lift my hands to pray

Got every reason to be here again
Father's love that draws me in
And all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is you Lord

One more day and it's not the same
Your spirit calls my heart to sing
Drawn to the voice of my Saviour once again
Where would my soul be without Your Son
Gave His life to save the earth
Rest in the thought that You're watching over me

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is You Lord

You hold the universe
You hold everyone on earth
You hold the universe
You hold
You hold