Tuesday, June 05, 2007

"Chels, why you so dreamy these days??"
"Chels, at this rate i don't think you'll be single by Olevels"
"kally!!"
"purrrrrr!"

haha.

I Don't really make sense right now saying all these things right? haha. Well, I was just thinking about lots of stuff. Family, Friends, loved ones. I've really grown this year. Wiser? definitely. Pasted shit in my eyes? NOPE! definitely not! cause this time i must have stuck gems in my eyes. haha.

Well im just saying maybe this one is different right. wait a minute. it's not maybe. He is different. Have you ever been treated like a princess? gosh! now i know how it feels like. The thing is I know it's not a facade and that is so amazingly awesome. I know he genuinely cares. After 5 months now? that's really long. well, for me at leastb since my so called "relationships" don't ever last long. like never ever. The thing is im not in a relationship yet. I honestly am a sucker when some guy says something sweet and i get swayed into the relationship and i rush into it but with Kal it's different and let me add that i love it. im just so different now?

my cousin used to say
"puppy love, chels, puppy love?"

Well is this one considered puppy love? hope not man.

why am i different now?
Emotional blockage?
gosh.

Afraid of being hurt?
here we go again..

Scared, afraid?
argh!

or..on a brighter note..

Taking time?
Liking one another slowly?
Seeing all sides of each others character and personality?

If I could choose i'd pick the one on the brighter note.
Well, at least for once im taking my time. Learnt everything the hard way because you know why?
im STUBBORN and i'm sort of glad i am.

haha.

I'm crazy and this time i know it's sanely crazy and not insanely nuts to the point i feel like a truck drove through my heart. "CRASH,BANG AND BYE"

I know i said mr. EX BF gerald was effing perfect. HELL that i really pasted shit in my eyes. NO ONE IS PERFECT, espeacially for someone who hates women. Gosh was i some guy ? lol. was he gay?

I make mistakes alright. I somehow find crack ass boyfriends. this time the tables turning. KARMA. it's your time. What comes around goes back round. This time i know i am not making a mistake. wanna know why? When i met ex bf, i literally had shit in my eyes, i don't know whether i had a heart or did I allow such vermins enter, and really no brains, and my head in the clouds not paying attention to myself and what is good for me. No wonder im so confident. I couldn't see..

When i met kal,
I had perfect eyesight, i had a pounding heart that didn't and no longer allow freeloaders or vermins, i had my brain totally intack. My head was sitting nicely on my shoulders and not in space somewhere. i was paying attention to all my senses. No wonder i was so afraid.

See the contrast?
old me... I won't get hurt luh.
New me.. what if i get hurt thus the wall of ice.
Miss. What if.. this and that and blah blah.

Old me.. NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO MYSELF
New me... FULL ATTENTION

Old me.. I THINK this is good for me.
New me.. I KNOW this is good for me

Old me... aww he's so sweet.
New me.. Caution he might be playing. wait and see whether this lasts.

Old me... rushes into a realtionhip
New me.. takes her time.

Old me.. i was 16
New me.. im turning 17.

Old me.. I had shit in my eyes..
New me... I have perfect eyesight.

All i have to say is
Im breaking free slowly and It's a growing kind of love.
Hope you get the message.

bliss...

=)