Wednesday, February 06, 2008

I find it so hard to trust. why?
I really dunno why...
I have never trusted anyone fully in my life. I trust them but not all the way..

Well there was a time where I trusted someone fully and in the end I got backstabbed..
some where I was lied to only to learn the truth after that..
some where I got hurt...

so maybe that's why I have fears of trusting people all the way. Even when it comes to relationships no matter how strong the bond is or how committed I always have a problem of trusting. Honestly, it makes me feel like shit that i can't trust.

Lately for quite some time already I don't feel good. I don't feel radiant. I don't feel like im shining light. Im not saying on the outside appearnce don't even get me started on that one. I feel effing fat and i also feel ugly
I don't even feel beautiful inside... i feel dull and bland and boring.

How's that for being honest?

im not asking for pity. I don't need the "oh you so poor thing chelsea" "your not ugly your beautiful chelsea".. I don't need it..

I know im beautiful im not ugly.. I just feel that way..

I need security. I need strength.
I don't need comfort i don't deserve it. I can comfort myself

It's time I become Independant and the only way i know how is to keep my problems to myself.

im sorry for this sad post...

chelsea